you towered over me, (in a hot way)
I wouldn’t want to state the obvious things, things that took me so long to say, so much that you teased and laughed a lot because I refused to be vulnerable, but even in that state, you were extremely patient with me, so I wrote them on sticky notes and left them on the fridge door every time I was leaving.
You taught me how to be vulnerable again. So much that even as I stand here, I feel so free, yet so vulnerable. It scares me, the part where I am free is because I know that I loved genuinely and lost, and was loved genuinely without holding back. I gave my all, however long it took me to let you in completely. I am proud of myself, immensely, and that, my inappropriate friend, is one of the many things I am thankful for.
I never had any awkward silence with you, unlike so many other people, you treated my silence as a strength, you’d just sit next to me and not talk, I highly appreciate that.
The most attractive thing to me from the very first day is/was that we are/were complete opposites of each other. I think that that is one of the things that has kept us glued together and kept this fire burning for ages, and it didn’t even scare you.
While I wanted to take naps in the afternoon, (because I was so full and I crawled on my belly like a panda) you wanted to have a grill and barbecue, so we compromised, on most days, on some days, you either took naps with me, (which you didn’t quite like at first) or we went out for your events, merry making,so you’d keep a close eye on me and kept asking if I was okay, and even when I wasn’t, I wouldn’t say, because somehow, I knew how whatever was happening made you happy, being around people and talking about all sorts of things was your thing. And if you saw even a hint of fatigue from my side, we’d pack up and leave, the small talks made me exhausted, meeting new people and starting all over has never been my thing, but there was good food, and alcoholic beverages and cocktails, which I loved, you also ensured my favorite food was there, whether it was fast food or a proper meal.
I also loved that every time we went to a restaurant, you ordered my favorite food, and because I didn’t take hot food, especially tea, because it would burn my tongue, you’d order the food so that by the time I got there it was warm enough.
I was always scared of being around you, even after we had been together, because I knew that I’d get too attached to ever let go. I was always the pessimist while you saw a bright future, I always held back, it’s funny how I’m left to live that future now. But even when I ran away and locked you out severally, you waited, annoyingly, patiently, it must have been agonizing for you, it was for me, I’ve never had it easy letting people in, but even in our agony, on different levels, you still had a major breakthrough because of our appropriate, yet overly inappropriate past times, that turned into my favorite, from conversations to activities.
And with you, I never had to sleep an angry person, instead of letting me retreat into my shell, you crowded me with affection, and you were never scared to come at me, you sat me down and we worked to fix things. And you were never scared to admit when you were wrong, I’d normally run off when I got mad, but I learnt to confront, you taught me how to be gentle at that, because you always did that, not in a bid to scare me off, but to show me how it worked, this thing called communication, you talked as I listened and vice versa.
If you were here today, you’d probably burst into laughter, so much that everyone else would turn to look at you and not understand why. You are so unapologetic about who you are, I’d burst into laughter too, I’d give anything to hear you laugh like that again.
I’ll miss our late night conversations in the dark,
I’ll miss us talk without words
I’ll miss us touching without hands
I’ll miss our long walks in the wee hours of the night
I’ll miss our long drives to unknown places
I’ll miss house hunting with you
I’ll miss grocery shopping with you
I’ll miss trying on new clothes with you hyping me up
I don’t know who will order food from the cafeteria for me
I don’t know who will pick me from work with a bottle of wine as a pleasantry
You’re scored on my heart,
your inappropriate friend.
your inappropriate friend